Snape's Story
by Sofiin
Summary: A possible explanation of why Snape is so seemingly coldhearted and cruel and why he hates Harry Potter. It is also a story of how Snape saved Dumbledore's life. This is my first fanfiction, so any comments you might have are very welcome! implied slash
1. Chapter 1

Snapes story

Chapter 1 - No roses for Snape

The potions master at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, Severus Snape, sat in his study one evening wondering about a boy. In fact it was not just any boy that possessed his thoughts at the moment. It was none other than Harry Potter. It was the middle of August and in a few weeks al the students would return to school with al the hustle and bustle it created. Snape was not at pleased with this, in fact he liked the school best when it was quite and empty. He had returned some days earlier than he had first planned and he was happy that he had. He never felt more at home than he did at Hogwarts and having it almost entirely to himself was very satisfying.

Snape sad in a comfortable chair near a window facing the grounds. In the growing darkness, it was close to ten at night, he could just make out the forbidden forest and the oaf Hagrid's hut. Snape couldn't get his mind of Harry Potter, who would soon return to the school to attend his sixth year. His mind was full of the image of Harry as he had last seen him, hurt, distressed and deeply affected by the death of his godfather. Snape somehow felt that he was to blame for Harry's misery and this feeling of guilty conscience was not something Snape was used to, but he couldn't stop thinking that if he had trained Harry properly in occlumency al this would never have happened. Snape couldn't honestly feel that he was sorry for the death of Black, whom he had always resented, but still. Black had been a valuable order-member whatever Snape had expressed towards Black himself, he could not deny the truth of this and Dumbledore's remark that perhaps now he could get some proper unity in the order had hurt him, especially because he knew that it was meant for him and rightly meant as well.

The image of Harry popped up in Snape's mind again and drew his thoughts away from the order. Snape hated that he kept thinking of Harry. He hated having to be near the boy or more correctly said, the young man. Having to sit in the dining hall close to him was a total agony and Snape was so happy that he was not going to have him in his class this year. Every year since Harry had started at Hogwarts, Snape had had to teach him but this year things would change for the better, and he would not have to be around him on a daily basis. This was due to Snape's principle of never letting anyone into his NEWT class unless they had got and outstanding OWL in potions, which Harry of course hadn't got. Finally this stubbornness from his side paid of – usually this just meant that he only had 6-7 students in his class which of course was nice, but finally there came something truly god out of it.

As Snape sat happily anticipation not having to teach Potter, he wondered why he loathed the young man so much. Professor Dumbledore had on several occasions asked him the same question that was now occupying his mind, why didn't he like Harry Potter? It wasn't because of his prior attachment to the Dark Lord, that much he was sure of. In reality Snape knew the answer very well and had known it for a long time, but he did not want to admit it to himself. Dumbledore had asked him whether it was because of Harry father, James Potter, and truthfully Snape had answered "yes", but indeed Dumbledore did not know the full meaning of this reply. He merely thought that their mutual enmity, which had been well known in their schooldays, was the course for Snapes dislike of Harry, but this was not true. Snape had to admit this fact to himself even though he did not like it.

Suddenly Snape rose from his chair. These thoughts were not at al pleasant to him. He paced up and down the study, his body was stiff and he wished very much to think of something else, but he was unable to. He couldn't get rid of the image of Harry Potter's dark hair, his green eyes, his lean body and his bright smile, which he luckily never looked at Snape with. As every day went by Snape felt that Harry looked more and more like his father. Shivers went down the potions master's body. Why did Harry have to look so much like James? Snape was almost convinced that if Harry had only looked like his mother, things would have been easier.

Although Snape was tired he knew, that in his present state, he wouldn't be able to find any rest. He briefly considered making himself a sleeping potion, but knew that if he drank something to make him sleep he would dream of Harry. He had to get the boy out of his thoughts first. But how? His first notion was to use the pensive, but he knew that he couldn't stand what it would show him. Then he thought about seeing Dumbledore, but couldn't at this moment endure even the thought of Dumbledore's penetration eyes. He knew he would want to tell Albus what was on his mind, but that would involve revealing a secret that he had kept hidden almost al his life. And after al, Albus was not only a friend, but also his superior and what would happen if he knew the truth about... about who he truly was?

Instead of going to Dumbledore he decided to take a long comforting shower. Snape had a perfectly nice bathroom in his private chambers, but he felt he needed a good swim. The teachers had a gigantic bathtub almost as big as a muggle swimming pool. It was not unlike the one in the prefects' bathroom he had used in his schooldays, but it was bigger and he would be able to swim properly.

He left his room. He was glad the he no longer lived in the dungeons. At the end of last year he had requested to get lodgings above ground, so that only his office would be below and Dumbledore had granted him this. Snape now had a large bedroom, with an adjoining study and a bathroom on the fifth floor. Because he now lived there he only had to walk down a couple of corridors before he came to the teachers' bathroom. The entrance was hidden behind a picture showing the lake with the giant squid floating happily around the surface. To get in he had to touch the squid's tentacles, it would then disappear from the picture and the door would open. As he stepped inside Snape took in the scent of cleanness that lingered about the large room. He was happy that it didn't smell of roses as it always did when Minerva had been in there. Snape went to the large pools edge, bent down and turned on the taps. In about ten minutes time the pool would be filled with water. In the meantime he took of his clothes. First he took of his black cloak, folding it carefully so it would not crease then he removed his robes, laying them on a bench that stood in the room for exactly that purpose. Last he removed his undergarments and stood fully naked. His white skin looked almost exactly like the white marble on the floor and walls. He thought to himself that perhaps he needed to spend a bit more time outdoors – he looked as pale as a vampire, but then again there was really no point. The paleness of his skin didn't annoy him and after all he was the only one that saw his naked body.

Finally the pool was filled and Snape stepped in. What a wonderful feeling. The water was neither hot nor cool but a nice mixture that just matched his body temperature. Snape swam up and down the enormous tub. He swan and pressed himself to swim even faster, he wanted to exhaust his body so that he perhaps could get some sleep. After nearly three quarters of an hour the muscles in Snapes right leg began cramping and he had to stop swimming. He got slowly out of the pool trying not to put to much weight on his leg. He griped a towel and wrapped it around his body and limped over to the bench where his clothes lay and sat down. His leg hurt badly, but he knew that it would be over soon. Snape leaned against the wall waiting for his muscles to relax. Finally they did and he got up and dressed. His long dark hair was still wet and it hung down his back soaking his cloak. He took out his wand and said a drying spell and two seconds later his hair was no longer wet.

4


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 - An unexpected meeting

Snape left the bathroom and walked towards his bedroom hoping that he would now be able to get some sleep. It was late and he had to get up early in the morning to talk to Dumbledore, so getting some proper rest was important. As he turned a corner he almost walked into Dumbledore, who was standing across from the door leading into Snapes rooms. It was obvious that Dumbledore had just knocked and was waiting for a reply. "Ah Severus, just the man I wanted to talk to", said Dumbledore happily and looking Snape up and down, he continued: "You seem to be in excellent form tonight?" Snape didn't reply and there was an awkward pause until Dumbledore started again: "There is something that I've been meaning to talk to you about, something of importance, which I think will please you. I wonder whether you think it a good idea that we step into your room, or would you perhaps like it better to discuss this out here in the hallway?" he said this with a good-humoured smile.

Snape went to the door, opened it and gestured to Dumbledore to step inside. As Dumbledore walked towards the door a house-elf came carrying a large tray of tea and biscuits. "Always on time Dobby" said Dumbledore smiling widely to the house-elf, who made a slight bow, trying to be polite and on the same time making sure that he didn't spill the tea. "I took the liberty of ordering some refreshment, Severus", "I see" replied Snape in his usual dry manner, before he followed Dumbledore and Dobby, who had both walked into his study. In one corner there stood two comfortable looking dark armchairs and a small table, which looked rather rickety. Here Dobby left his tray, bowed this time more deeply and went out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

Snape and Dumbledore both sat down and the latter started pouring the hot steaming tea into the two cups. He handed on of them to Snape, who took it and added some milk before he carefully set it down on the table, so it could cool down a bit before he drank it. "I hope Severus that I find you well? You have returned sooner then I had anticipated", "Yes professor, I have, I couldn't stand Wormtail a day longer and to tell you the truth I missed Hogwarts", Snape said as he picked up his cup and drank some tea. "Well, I understand. I always feel the same way about the school when I've been away for some time. I am glad you have returned tonight, because I wanted to tell you this personally before it is publicly known." Snape looked interestedly at Dumbledore, who continued: "You know of course how difficult it has been for me to get anyone to teach Defence Against the Dark Arts?"

This was more a statement, than a question, but Snape nodded. He knew that Dumbledore had had real trouble getting somebody to teach, which had annoyed Snape a lot seeing as he would have loved to teach it himself. "This year I have therefore decided to make a change in the staff, a change which I think will please you. I have decided to ask Horace Slughorn to return to Hogwarts and I believe that he will agree even though he might need a little persuasion." Dumbledore looked at Snape, whose face looked very confused. "This of course means that you will no longer have to teach Potions and to get to the point, I am appointing you Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. I know you are the best man for it and in these dangerous times we need to have a qualified teacher. Considering that it was almost only the DA members who passed their Defence OWL last year I need someone who I can trust to do a good job." Dumbledore looked very pleased after this little speech and expected Snape to look equally pleased with his decision. "But Severus, you don't look happy? I had actually almost expected you to thank me, as I know this has been your wish for many many years. I had at least thought you to show some sign of appreciation?"

Snape didn't say anything, but his face had betrayed him. For the first time in years he had looked forwards to Potions and now that Dumbledore finally fulfilled his wish, he could not at all rejoice in this. "I am glad sir" he stammered, "but it is just very unexpected. Thank you! It is an honour to know that you trust me enough to let me teach." He tried to sound sincere, but Dumbledore looked right through this. "Something is not right here. I know there is something you are not telling me Severus." After a very long pause in which Snape had stared down his teacup and Dumbledore had looked at him doing it, Snape quietly said: "It is Harry Potter, sir", Dumbledore didn't say anything at it was clear that he wanted an explanation. "I had hoped that I would not be teaching him this year. He would not have been in my Potions class".

"Ah I see, or well I don't, but I know how much you dislike Harry. I don't understand it and seeing as you have never been able to give me a proper explanation I have no reason to think I will ever understand it." Dumbledore gazed out of the window for a little while. Outside it was now totally dark. The silence between the two men was heavy and uncomfortable. "Does this mean that I will have to tell Horatio that he can return to his retirement and I must teach myself, or will you submit to my will and do as I have requested?"

Snape didn't know what to say. He knew that he could not refuse Dumbledore. "I will of course teach whatever subject you desire me to teach." Snape bowed his head slightly and then very slowly, plugging up his courage he continued: "Do you really want to know why I dislike Potter, Headmaster?


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 - Snape's confession

Silence followed this question. Snape didn't dare to look at Dumbledore and he had no idea how to continue. He had never told anyone what he was about to tell Albus. "Yes Severus, I would very much like to know!" Dumbledore was fully aware that it was difficult for Snape to continue. "If you would like to carry on with this conversation tomorrow, so that you can clear your mind, we can do that?" "No, no Albus, there is no need for that." Snape knew that if he stopped now, he would never again be able to talk about it. "Now is just fine."

He pulled himself together: "The reason I can't stand Potter is as I have already told you his father, James." Dumbledore nodded and invited him to go on. "You know how I told you, when I came back to the right side and left the Dark Lord, that it was because of the murder of James? Well the truth is a little more complicated. I didn't always hate James, in fact I am not even sure I ever really hated him. James was… I was… You see, I… I never… I'm… I don't know how to tell you this, but I… I've never had it easy with you know..." Snape blushed deeply as he tried to continue. The sight was an odd one. Snape's usually pale face became pink with the flush, he looked younger and his face seemed somehow soften.

Dumbledore looked Snape straight in the eyes as he interrupted his stutters: "You have never had it easy with girl, I'm I right?" Snape nodded: "I have never understood why they are so fascinating. I've always just found them difficult!" He tried to meet Dumbledore's eyes, who looked at him with so much understanding and care. He hoped that Dumbledore would still look at him like this, when he finished his story. Albus was like the caring father he had never really had and the thought of loosing his friendship and trust was unbearable.

None of them said something for a while. Snape didn't know how to begin again and it seemed that Dumbledore was waiting for him to start. When he realised that Snape needed some help to go on he simply said: "You are attracted to men, are you not Severus?" Snape was completely blown away by this question. Al he was able to say way: "How did you know?" and he said it in such a way that almost made Dumbledore laugh. "I have known for a long time. Why, I cannot tell you, but I just had a feeling that told me. And it also explains a lot of things."

"But", Snape was still unable to believe this. Dumbledore knew and had known it for a long time and he still cared for him and trusted him? This gave Snape courage to continue. "For how long have you known?" Dumbledore considered the question for a little while before answering. "I suppose I have had the suspicion ever since your last year a Hogwarts. Remember the Halloween party when that Ravenclaw girl, what was her name? The one with the dark hair whose mother had a bookstore in Hogsmead." "Miranda Robins" said Snape, "that was her name". "Yes I believe you are right. She came up to you with a Butterbeer and tried to kiss you. I stood quite close by as I was on duty supervising the dance. I remember your face so clearly. You totally panicked and left the Great Hall without a word. I believe the idea first came into my head that night."

Snape didn't understand this. "But if you have known for so long, why haven't you said something before now?" "Because I know that nothing good ever comes out of forcing someone to talk about something he or she is not ready to talk about. I did want to press you because it might push you away. I knew that some day when you were ready you would tell me, and I was right, was I not?" Snape was quite amazed. "Your knowledge of the human mind is so extensive." Dumbledore laughed softly. "I suppose you are right and if I might be so bold Severus, you could do with extending your knowledge on that field a little farther." He knew that Dumbledore was right and was not offended. "You have an excellent mind, but without being able to understand other people you won't get far, but now we have strayed from the important point. Why don't you tell me when you first found out yourself?" Dumbledore was still smiling widely.

Dumbledore sat back in the chair waiting for him to begin. Snape wondered were to start his story. He was not sure of the answer to the Headmasters question. "I suppose I have known that I was a different ever since I was a little boy. I was never very outgoing or good at socializing with other boys. I was never good at making friends. My father never understood this or me for that matter. He said I was soft, stupid and weird, that there was something wrong with me and I began to believe he was right. I hated him for it, but everybody seemed to share his opinion of me. I tried to harden myself by pushing every emotion I ever felt away, so I am not sure when I realized that I wasn't attracted to girls. In my schooldays I was never popular, you know this of course. "Snape looked at Dumbledore, who nodded."I began to believe that it was because I was different and it might be true, but today I don't think I was right. I think that most people disliked me because of my sometimes very awkward manners. I believe I, mostly unconsciously, gave the impression that I felt everybody to be beneath me. I didn't feel that way. I was just because I was insecure, but I never let anyone close, so nobody knew. I think everybody thought of me as arrogant and conceited, but deep down I was just lonely. I hid behind my books, but it was never enough." Snape looked sad, but somehow he felt that a huge weight was being lifted of his shoulders. "Why didn't you just try to be a bit more polite and friendly?" asked Dumbledore. "I did, but it never worked for me. I tried to join the quidditchteam, but they didn't want me and it was always like that, but then at my third year I met James Potter in Care of Magical Creatures and he was nice to me in the beginning. That was something totally knew to me. He talked to me and said hallo to me when we past in the corridors."

"James was a very nice boy until he and Sirius entered their teens. I have never really understood why they changed so much in those years, but I suppose that girls had a lot to do with it. It was only then that they began to bully you?" asked Dumbledore. "Yes, it didn't start until the ending of our forth year I think, but then they were very unpleasant. It never really bothered me that Sirius was bullying me but it hurt me that James was. I liked James very much. I loved him I suppose, even though I didn't realise this till after we left school."

"What I don't understand is why this makes you hate Harry. If you loved his father, why do who have to hate his son?" "In the beginning it was because I felt it was his fault that James had been killed. If it hadn't been for the prophecy James would still have been alive today. I know that the truth is that it is my fault. I passed on the information, but it was just easier to blame Potter." Dumbledore looked as if he suddenly understood everything. "And this is why you came back to our side? Because you realised that sympathising with Lord Voldemort had led to James' death?"

Snape nodded, he was ashamed of himself, but he also felt a need to justify his actions. "When I found out that James had been killed because of what I had heard I realised what I had gotten myself into. Until then it had never really occurred to me how serious it al was. To me it had mostly been a joke." "But Severus, you were so close to Lord Voldemort, how can you truly say that you didn't know about al the terrible things he did? I believed you back then when you told me for the first time. I could see the truth in your eyes, but I didn't understand. I mean you were right in his inner circle."

"I was properly the one closest to him at one point, but my relationship with the Dark Lord was different from the relationship his other Death Eaters'. I wasn't sent on very many missions. He kept me close at all times and never really allowed me to be involved with his "work". I wasn't a supporter like the others I was more like a servant." As Snape said this he looked up at the clock hanging over his writing desk. It was almost one o'clock. He felt exhausted, talking about al this was harder than he had ever imagined. Dumbledore saw his look and understood it. "What do you say, if I suggest we continue this conversation tomorrow, Severus? It seems to me that we both need some sleep?" Snape agreed and they decided to meet the next morning for a stroll around the grounds. "I'll see you tomorrow at breakfast" Dumbledore said as he left the room.

Snape closed the door behind the Headmaster. He felt drained but also happy, something he hadn't felt in a really long time. As he went to bed he thought to himself that having someone to confide in wasn't the worst thing, he just wished he had realised this earlier. He felt that it could have saved him a lot of sleepless nights. Despite this calmness he knew that the worst was yet to come and as he fell asleep he was wondering how to tell Dumbledore the rest.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter four

The Great Hall was deserted when Snape entered it for breakfast the next morning. He had always thought it stupid that the teachers should eat their meals in the large empty room when there were no students and in the morning no need to get up early. He sat down in his usual chair and seconds later he was joined by professor Trelawney who looked in excellent mood. "Good morning Severus" she said in her usual airy and far away voice. "Morning Sibyl", Snape mumbled. He was in no mood to talk to her at the moment. He was anxious about meeting Dumbledore again and had no patience for her ramblings. He had always thought that Divination was the most pointless subject and seeing as fortunetelling was al the Sibyl ever talked about he had much preferred her to leave him alone.

Snape was not very hungry and it was more out of habit than anything else that he had breakfast at al. He poured himself at large cup of tea and buttered some toast. On the pretext of reaching for the milk jug he shifted his chair a little so he didn't have to sit so close to Sibyl whose breath even in the morning always smelled strongly of cocking sherry. Snape began to eat and concentrated very hard on his plate in the hope of not having to talk to her but Sibyl of course didn't understand this and rambled on. He nodded once in a while but didn't listen to her until she mentioned Dumbledore's name. Snape looked up. "What did you say again?" he asked her. "Well, I saw the Headmaster leaving the school as I went down the stairs. He said something about having some important business to deal with. He properly had to see the Minister." Snape knew perfectly well that Dumbledore and the newly appointed Minister of Magic wasn't on very good terms, and he couldn't imagine that it was of the Minister that Dumbledore had left so early. "Did he say when he was coming back?" Professor Trelawney shook her head and continued her pointless chitchat.

It surprised and angered Snape a bit that Dumbledore had left without a word of explanation, but he knew that in times dangerous times the safety of the wizardring community was more important to the Headmaster and indeed to everybody than Snape's difficult love life. He was sure that Dumbledore would come back as soon as he could.

Hurriedly finishing his breakfast Snape got up from the table, excused himself from Professor Trelawney and left the Great Hall with her loud farewell following him through the room. Outside the Great Hall he wondered how to spend the day. He decided that the best thing for him to do would be to empty his office and move his things up into Dolores Umbridge's old office so that Professor Slughorn could use the office. He went down into the dungeons, past the entrance to the Slytherin common room and a few minutes later he pushed open the door into his study. Snape knew that it would take him hours to get everything sorted into boxes and moved upstairs. He had had this office for so long that the room was full of things and it was also very chaotic. Heaps of old potions essays lay on the shelves along with uncountable books on al subjects and numerous glass containers with al sorts of potion ingredients stood pilled up in a corner.

As he began to put everything into boxes the image of Harry Potter drifted into his mind, but he pushed it away and tried to focus totally on the job that he had to do. It worked quite well and for a couple of hours he was completely absorbed in the work. He found a lot of things, especially books he had thought he had lost and when he found a book called "Old and Forgotten Bewitchments and Charms" he felt that it was time for him to take a break. He sat down on top of his writing desk with the book in his lap and looked through it. Dumbledore had given him this book the first Christmas after he joined the Order of the Phoenix. Snape thought he had lost it but here it was. He knew most of the charms very well, but the book was richly illustrated and he always enjoyed looking at them.

When he reached the end of the book and looked at the clock on the wall he was surprised. It was almost three o'clock in the afternoon and he had wasted several hours on the book. He shook himself and was about to return to the packing when a knock at the door disturbed him. "Enter! The door is open". Snape looked towards the door wondering who it could be, hoping it was Dumbledore but it wasn't. "Sir" said the squeaky voice of a house-elf "You are needed upstairs in the Entrance Hall quickly!" Snape looked at the elf who seemed to be terrified and hurried upstairs.

In the Entrance Hall he found Dumbledore lying on the floor with closed eyes and paper white skin. A thrill of horror went through Snape's body as he saw the Headmaster. Was he dead? Snape ran to his side and knelt down. There was a pulse, thanks heaven for that but his breathing was shallow and his face was twisted in agony. He looked around for someone to help him and saw the frightened elf standing a few feet away. "Hurry out and find a teacher, anyone except professor Trelawney and then go down to the kitchens and get me some hot water and towels. I'll be in the dungeons!" As Snape said this he gently lifted Dumbledore's limp body up and carried it downstairs. He went inside the Potions classroom where he laid Dumbledore down on the teacher's desk. He started examining him and after a few moments he found the source of the problem. On Dumbledore's hand sat a large ring with black stone. Just looking at the stone Snape felt its power. This ring was dangerous and evil.

Seconds after his discovery Minerva McGonagle came panting into the room looking very frightened. Snape was happy to see her. She was the very person he had hoped for. "Severus, what has happened? The minute I stepped into the Entrance Hall a house-elf comes running telling me to get down her as fast as I can" said she but then seeing Dumbledore lying on the desk her face grew pale and she looked as if she was about to cry, something Snape had never seen before. "Dumbledore!" she exclaimed "Is he dead?" Snape shook his head. "No he's not, but he will be soon if you don't hurry up and help me with him." Snapes voice was shaking slightly and this sign of fear coming from him made Professor McGonagle pull herself together.

"Look at this ring, Minerva. We need to get it of him. If we don't him I don't think he will survive the next hour." She stepped closer, looking at the ring Snape pointed to. She bent down and looked at it closely. "There is some sort of spell on it and it won't come of. I've already tried, but I don't want to touch it, so I used dragon-skin gloves and they make it harder to get a proper grip." Snape was clearly at a loss of what to do.

The door opened and hoping to see someone coming to the rescue, they were both disappointed when an elf appeared with towels and a kettle full of hot water. The elf placed its burden on a stool near the desk. "Is there anything else I can get you?" it asked bowing its head. "No, but thank you for asking" Minerva said in a small voice. She took a towel and laid it carefully under Dumbledore's head.

Then taking out her wand and closing her eyes for concentration Professor McGonagle said a few hasty words and looked at the ring. Nothing happened. She did this four times each time saying a different incantation, but none of them worked. In the mean time Snape had just been standing observing her. They then looked at each other. "What should we do?" she asked him. "I've just tried transforming his finger into thin objects but it doesn't work. Have you tried to charm it of?" Snape just nodded. They both looked down at the ring. Dumbledore's hand was getting black and it was also beginning to wither in front of their eyes. "Perhaps we should try to fetch Madam Pomfrey?" suggested Minerva the desperation in her voice was now audible. "She's not here. She's visiting her mother. She told me just before term ended."

For a few minutes they just stood petrified staring at the Headmaster's hand as it blackened, then suddenly Snape was struck by an idea and left the room running. Two seconds later he returned with a bottle of crystal clear potion that smelled strongly of acid when he removed the cap. "Why didn't I think of this before?" said he as he picked up a second towel and carefully wet it with the potion. He took on the dragon-skin gloves again and rubbed the finger where the ring was stuck. He waited a couple of seconds and then removed the ring. He placed it on a nearby table, took of the gloves and looked back at Dumbledore's hand.

"What on earth was that?" Professor McGonagle asked looking in wonder at Snape. "Something so simple I can't believe I didn't think of it before. It is a potion that makes swellings disappear. I made a whole lot of it at Madam Pomfrey's request some months back. She uses it when students can't get their jewellery of. I don't know why I didn't think of it before." "Well that doesn't matter now" Minerva said "The important thing is that the ring is gone and that Dumbledore is saved." Snape went to look at Dumbledore's hand again. "I'm afraid," said he "that Dumbledore is not saved yet."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter five - An anxious wait

Snape looked gravely at Professor McGonagle. "Look at his hand again Minerva. The blackness is still spreading and more rapidly now." She looked as instructed and her face that had moments before looked so comforted turned back to its former worried expression. "But at least I think that I know what to do with that." said Snape trying to sound reassuring, something he was not very used to and consequently not very good at, but Professor McGonagle understood. After having said this he stormed out of the room and when he returned he carried a box containing something green and dry. "It's seaweed" he explained. "You've got to help with it, we need to soaked it and cover his hand and arm in it."

They did this as fast as they could. Instead of being black Dumbledore's arm now look as green as the Merpeoples skin. "I think he also needs something to stop it spreading inside of him. This seaweed is usually used for severe burn wounds, but it will mostly mend the skin." She marvelled at him, wondering how on earth he knew al this. "Where have you learned al this?" "When I was younger I wanted to be a healer, but when I applied after leaving Hogwarts I was told I didn't have the personal skills they required" he said a trace of bitterness in his voice. Professor McGonagle didn't know what to say. This was the most information about Snape's life she had ever gotten from him. The next moment her thoughts returned to Dumbledore again.

"Do you know which potion to use Severus?" she quietly asked. "I hope so. I need some ingredients from my stores. It will only take a minute." As he said this he quickly left the room and five minutes later he returned with his arms laden with things.

Snape started preparing the ingredients. His hands working fast and his face showed clearly that he was absorbed in the work. McGonagle who had never really liked Severus or known him for that matter had always respected him for his skills and in this moment she thanked the heavens that he was there. She asked it there was anything she could do to help him, but he shook his head and carried on with the potion without saying a word.

Feeling useless and knowing her presence not important at the moment she decided to fetch Madam Pomfrey so that she could help them. She left the dungeons and walked quickly across the Entrance Hall. She opened the front door and was surprised to see that the sun had almost disappeared behind the Forbidden Forrest. She had no idea that it was so late.

She set of in a brisk trot and a couple of minutes later she reached the gate. Outside she disapparated and when she returned ten minutes later she was accompanied by Madam Pomfrey who on hearing about Dumbledore's condition had agreed to leave her family immediately in the hope that she could be of any help to them.

Snape looked up from the cauldron that was now containing a dark boiling substance and was surprised to see Madam Pomfrey entering the room. Behind her followed Professor McGonagle. He thought to himself that it had been wise of her to fetch the school nurse, but he didn't voice his gratitude. Instead he walked towards the women who were now standing looking down upon Dumbledore and his hand.

It was clear that Minerva wanted to remove the seaweed covering Dumbledore's hand and as she looked questioningly at Snape he nodded "But only a bit of it and it has to be put back on in a hurry!" She gently removed some of the green stuff covering the injured hand and as Madam Pomfrey say the skin she let out a frightened gasp. "What has happened to his hand?" she asked terrified.

"We don't exactly know Poppy, but I am treating it as I would a burn wound." Snape didn't ask for her opinion but she gave it anyway. "I think that is a sensible thing to do," she said and looking at the steaming cauldron she continued: "Is that Healer Mayfon's Elixir of Ice?" Snape nodded "but I have added a bit finely powdered bezoar so that it can cure him if this is al caused by a poison. I don't think it is, but I prefer being safe."

"That sounds sensible." Madam Pomfrey went to Dumbledore and examined him carefully taking his pulse, feeling his forehead and so on. She looked gravely at the teachers. "He is very weak" she said bowing her head in concern. "I sincerely hope that the potion is going to work. You need to finish it fast Severus, for he will not live long like this." "It will be ready in a few minutes"

The three of them waited anxiously. Snape stood by his cauldron and the two women were next to Dumbledore. They were al silent and the only noises that could be heard were their breathing and the boiling potion. "The colour is changing now, quickly! I need a cup. There are some in the top draw in the desk." Professor McGonagle found one and handed it to Snape who had taken the cauldron of the heat. He poured some of the now light blue liquid into the cup and went over to Dumbledore. "It needs to cool down a bit before we can give it to him."

Madam Pomfrey took the cup from Snape and lifted Dumbledore's upper body with al the experience that came from being a school nurse for 18 years. She waited a moment, felt the potion with her little finger to check the temperature and then gently put the cup to Dumbledore's lips. He gulped down some of the potion and then some more until it was half empty. Poppy was apparently satisfied and the others who trusted her skill on this field didn't say anything as she sat the cup down.

"He needs to go to the hospital wing to get some rest in a proper bed." Professor McGonagle was just about to ask how they should move him when Snape bent down and picked Dumbledore up. He carried him to the door and the women followed him. Madam Pomfrey had the sense to take the cauldron with her so that they could give Dumbledore some more potion of it if he needed it.

In the hospital wing Snape laid Dumbledore down on a bed and sat down on the chair that Madam Pomfrey offered him. "Now there is nothing to do but wait and hope for the best" she said. The next couple of hours were past in silence. Dumbledore seemed to be sleeping now and slowly his breathing became steadier and deeper.

Around midnight they were al pulled out of their trance as Dumbledore slowly moved on the bed and opened his eyes. He was too weak to speak, but when he saw them watching over him he looked relieved. Madam Pomfrey went to get the potion and when she offered it to him he drank it slowly and fell asleep again.

"It is working" she said with a sigh of relieve. "You can both go to bed now. I'll take care of him." Professor McGonagle and Snape looked as if they were about to protest. "I insist. I don't need either of you to get sick because of anxiety and lack of sleep, so go to bed. You can come back tomorrow." She looked so sternly at them that they could do nothing but submit to her will and they left the ward together in silence.

They reached the stairs, said goodnight and went in opposite directions to their bedrooms. As Snape reached his room he lay down on the bed and fell into a dreamless sleep instantly.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 – Recovery

When Snape woke up the next morning at dawn he felt as if he had gone to sleep two minutes ago. It took him a second before he realised why he felt so worried but then he remembered all that had past the day before. He got up and dress at top speed and then hurried to the hospital wing to see Dumbledore.

As he entered the hospital wing a smell of bacon and eggs reached his nostrils and he realised how hungry he was. He hadn't eaten anything sine breakfast yesterday. He looked around for the source of the smell and saw to his surprise and pleasure that Dumbledore was sitting up in his bed propped up on a stack of pillows with a tray sitting on his lap. Snape couldn't help smiling a little bit.

Dumbledore's damaged hand and wrist was covered in bandages and it hung limply down his side. When he saw Snape he gestured him to closer and as he sat down on the stool where he the night before had sat worrying. Dumbledore said good morning in a would be cheerful tone. He was not quite able to conceal the tiredness in his voice but Snape was still very pleased to see him looking better.

"We thought we had lost you yesterday" he said "How's your arm doing?" Dumbledore took a sip of pumpkin juice before he answered "Better. According to Poppy I have to thank you that I'm still alive." Snape didn't know what to say to that – he didn't like being thanked, so he just shrugged his shoulders and quickly changed the subject. "I just wanted to see how you were. I'll go down and have some breakfast."

"There is no need for that" Madam Pomfrey entered the ward carrying another tray like Dumbledore's. "I figured you would come here straight away so I asked for breakfast for you and Minerva as well as for my patient" she said and handed Snape the tray.

"Excellent Poppy. You are always on top of everything." Dumbledore remarked. Madam Pomfrey smiled kindly at him and left them to their breakfast.

About half an later they were joined by Professor McGonagle who seemed very relieved to see Dumbledore sitting up and looking so much better. She sat down at the other side of the bed and they all talked for some time. Mostly about school business. .

Both Snape and McGonagle had lost of things to do so they left the ward after about an hour. Snape went to move all the boxes from his former office and McGonagle went to her office. Snape was had just finished unpacking the last box and was placing his books on the shelves when there was a knock at the door. Professor McGonagle entered. Without even saying hello she said: "I have just been told that you will teach Defence this year?" Snape nodded and she carried on. "I will need your booklist tonight. I have to send them to the students tomorrow."

"I will begin as soon as I have finished my unpacking" he said and continued sorting his books. He knew exactly which books he wanted his students to buy so he was in no hurry. He had had both books and lessons planned for a very long time.

"Very well. I'll be in my office if you need me." She closed the door behind her and left Snape to his books. He spent the rest of the day tidying up his office and making the required list. As nightfall approached and he grew hungry, he sent for some food from the kitchens. He didn't feel like doing downstairs where he would have to socialise with the other teachers who were slowly beginning to arrive for the start of term.

The next morning Snape went to see Dumbledore again. It was a fine day. The sun was shining from a clear blue and cloudless sky and it was pleasantly hot outdoors. As he entered the ward he saw that Dumbledore was sitting in a chair facing the grounds. He looked much better than Snape would have expected him to look only two days after his injury but he knew that even though Dumbledore was an old man he had a strength and a will to live that could not be easily beaten.

"Ah, just the man!" Dumbledore got up from the chair and went to meet Snape. "I was hoping that you would accompany me on a little excursion. Since the weather is so fine Poppy has allowed me to take a stroll outside if somebody goes with me and I promise to sit down and rest if I feel tired." He chuckled appreciably at Madam Pomfrey's concern. "I dare not disobey her on this point so I was hoping you would come and you did." He smiled widely.

They walked down the many stairs together and went outside. They moved slowly towards the greenhouses. First in silence but after a little while Dumbledore began to speak: "I believe you had some more things to tell me Severus?"

Snape had dreaded this. He had absolutely no idea how to tell Dumbledore all that there were to tell. He had tried to form sentences in his mind but none of them seemed to cover what he meant. "I don't know where to start. I cannot…"

"Why don't you start at the beginning?" Dumbledore simply said. Snape nodded, plugged up his courage and began his story.

"I never truly found out about my, well character before I left school. It wasn't until I meet… No I must start at the beginning as you said. When I left Hogwarts I didn't know what to do with myself. I hadn't been accepted to Healer training and my father had sworn that he would never see me in his house again so I got a job in an antic store in Diagon Alley but you know this all ready I suppose?"

Dumbledore nodded and Snape went on. "For the first year I was mostly alone. My mother visited my once in a while but that was all. I didn't really make any friends at work and when I was off I spent all my time in my small apartment where I buried myself in books. I almost used my entire salary on books. Then one day in the end of April I ran into Lucius Malfoy. We had known each other a little in school and he invited me to a party at his house. At first I wanted to decline but then my loneliness got the better of me and I accepted. I went to the party and sat in a corner most of the evening. I knew a lot of the guests by sight but nothing more. Lucius was a good host and he introduced me to many people but I don't think I made a very good impression. I met a lot of Death Eaters even though I didn't realise what they were in the beginning. I got very drunk that night and I fell asleep where I was sitting. The next morning I found myself in bed in one of the guest rooms. I went downstairs and that is were I met him for the first time."

"You mean Lord Voldemort?" Dumbledore looked interestedly at Snape. Clearly wanting to know more. Snape nodded.

"I went into a parlour and there he sat together with Lucius. I had of course heard of him before and didn't know what to do with myself. I was asked to sit down with them and we talked for some time. Or well he did most of the talking and I made some stammering replies. He was very interested in me and I have to admit I felt a bit flattered. He radiated power and intelligence and he focused entirely on me. After some time I don't know how long we were interrupted and he had to leave but before he did he made Malfoy invite me to stay in his house as long as I wished it. It felt more like and order than an invitation so I stayed."

They had reached the green houses and Dumbledore was beginning to get tired so they sad down on a bench in the sunshine and Snape continued his story.

"I saw him quite a lot and he always made a point talking to me when we met. He recommended books for me to read and always smiled at me in a puzzling way. I was fascinated by him. There was something about him that I couldn't understand, somehow he didn't seem human. It didn't bother me as much as it ought to have done. It only made him more interesting. When I had been in Lucius house for about three month there was a meeting one evening. There had been quite a few of them but this night I was asked to join it. He asked me himself but warned me that if I went I could never go back and I could never tell anyone what I had heard. I agreed eagerly. I had been very curios to see what went on."

"And so you joined the Death Eaters that night?" asked Dumbledore and before Snape had time to answer he continued: "But didn't you see what you were doing? Didn't you understand what you were getting yourself into?"

"I did think about it briefly but I wanted to do everything The Dark Lord asked me to. Every book he had recommended I had read and I always hoped he would talk to me and now he was not only talking to me he was inviting to share his secrets and I could do nothing but agree. You see Dumbledore at that time I believe I was in love with him. I was attracted by his power and intelligence. Everybody seemed to look up to him and even though he was over 50 at that time he was still good-looking. He was cold and somehow very frightening yes but he noticed me. So I went to the meeting and I became a Death Eater. I was introduced to the others and at the end of the meeting I got the Dark Mark burned on my skin."


End file.
